Great Advertisements from the Past

Recently I saw a magazine ad that I remember seeing years ago.  So I decided that an advertisement post would be kind of fun.  I checked around the web and found some old, odd, strange, provocative and just all out bizarre ads from the 30’s through the 90’s.  And for all of the ads, I’ve placed my thoughts of why it was a good one, strange one, etc.  Everything here was placed in “all ages” magazines or other areas though there may be some more racy things, so beware.  Click the images to see larger sizes!

7up

Okay, three things about this advertisement.  1) Why have a real photograph (or at least very nearly) of the face at the top, and then draw a half-assed cartoon in the middle?  2) That bottle of 7-up is huge.  I am surprised that they did not get sued for false advertising.  And somehow his hand touching the bottle grew simply from touching it!  3) Finally, he is having way too much fun with that bottle and I think he needs to have a little visit from Dr. Psychiatrist.

Are you her type?  HELL NO!  She’s like Satan’s spawn!  Look at her, she looks like the type of woman that would kill you after you sign the insurance papers.

Baby Soft

Okay, I know this advertisement was done back when pedophilia wasn’t such a big topic, but seriously?  This has to be wrong on so many levels even 20 or 30 years ago.  It’s even worse than the women that put their kids through the Little Miss Sunshine stuff that I see commercials for.

Barbasol

Good to know that all mom cared about was the money.  And all she cares about is how smooth his face is.  Not sure which is worse.

So… a dozen naked military men in the water… bathing… advertising towels… okay then.

Chips AhoySo not only did they think that these striped cookies were important enough to lay out centimeter by centimeter how they stripe them, they made a FLIP BOOK!

Colt

You’ve had a tough time with your boss this year, that co-worker of yours is annoying you every single day, and you are just tired of it.  It’s a GREAT time to give yourself this kind of gift!

Cough

Nothing like a great ad telling you that it is your fault to sell a product.  Next time, chug that Listerine!

Eggs

Okay, this food is either turning me on or grossing me out.

Fat Men!

This guy is so serious about his weight loss strap.

Now, with the below 7 ads I am not quite certain what they are advertising.  Really have no clue.  But if I knew what it was, I would probably buy it.  Not sure why.

Griffin3Griffin4Griffin5Griffin6Griffin7Griffin

Scroll back up and look at those again, see if you can tell me what it is they’re selling.  Whatever you think it is, you’re WRONG.

Hammock

“Don’t suffocate your spouse with a pillow, buy them the man-killer hammock!”

IBM

Man, these bring back memories of elementary school.  And I’m not talking about the computer.

Indian

We now know what makes the red man red.

Jello

I am quire curious about what Mrs. Dewey did with the Jell-O… quite curious indeed.

Kitty2

“Do you think we can eat it?”  “I don’t know, sister, but Augustus will try.  Augustus is so hungry.”

Kitty

No clue what this says, but I really don’t like the way he’s holding that kitty.

Lysol

“Please don’t lock me out!  I’m sorry I didn’t squirt Lysol… I mean… I thought it was only for cleaning the toilet!”

Masks

Just what everyone wants!  Choose between masks portraying the most horrible people in history, Ghandi or some FUBAR teeth!

Mighty Tiny

“I PLAYED MY RECORD BACKWARDS! BEELZEBUB! BEELZEBUB! AAAAAAAH!”

Munsingwear

Two men in underwear, lying on the ground, and it says, “Let’s get down to business.”  I don’t see the issue here.

OJ

Okay, so we all know about the glove not fitting but what the hell is up with OJ having three legs?  Do you think this was brought up during the trial?

Pens

These people are having far too much fun with these pens.  And what is that fourth lady over on the top row doing?  Seriously.  And that reminds me… never ask to borrow anyone’s pen.  Ever.

Perfume

Hmm, choices, choices.  Cologne, cologne, cologne or a pipe.  What should I sprinkle on myself?

Platforms

Man, don’t buy them other shoes.  Flagg Bros. shoes are platforms that wear platforms!

Red Dot

What – exactly – is that dot covering?

Rupture

Rupture.  Is that what they called it back then?  Because boner meant mistake.  Or am I confusing what they’re selling here?

Santa

We now know exactly what Santa does.  I mean, if you could go into any house in the world, and were able to travel around the world in a single night, what would you do?  Deliver toys to kids?  Ha!

Sega

So beautiful, every boy and teenager wanted it.  I bet even some dads wanted it!  So beautiful, so… man, I wanted it so bad.  And there’s a naked girl on the page, too.  *rim shot*

Skinny

Back in the day, girls WANTED meat on their bones.  This is basically the total opposite of the advertisements we see now.

Smoking2

At first glance you would think this was probably the first anti-smoking advertisement.  NOPE.  This is an ad to make naive women want to smoke.

Snoballs

I can think of a completely different place to put the Sno-Balls to make this ad more tempting.

Spam

Here!  Have some poop in a bowl!

Springmaid

Okay, look closely.  I think something is missing.  Or if you are used to internet memes… you’ll shat when you see it.

Tan

For a glorious tan without ugly, painful sunburn… use this crap that just makes you plain ugly.  And then climb a ladder.

Taxidermist

“We now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride… and then stuff it.”  What else could the animal marriage mean when speaking about taxidermy?  And it’s FUN!

Tee hee

Tee hee, whisperwhisperwhisper.

Tomato Juice

I can guarantee those two ladies aren’t just drinking tomato juice.

Tools

“YES!  Now I can kill my family, ahahahahahahahaha!”

TV

Years and years ago this advertisement came out… and we still do it today.  Proof in advertising!

Wrinkles

Before: IT’S HIDEOUS! KILL IT! ZOMBIE!   After: Dayumn.

Obviously a lie.  There is nothing better than a ferret down your trousers.

Fish

They feed themselves?  What does that have to do with anything?  Fish were able to cook a meal and eat it back then, while “land” animals begged on the street corner?

GMC

Haha.

Griffin1

And just to finish up… one more of those ads that is selling something or other.  Yup.

Small text:  These were found all over the web, I’m not making money, I didn’t steal, etc.

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